(Editors Note: There are spoilers in this article for the already aired episodes of this seasons Game of Thrones episodes)
I also considered, “Game of Thrones to Add LaughTrack for Season 7?” and “Game of Thrones: What the Funny?” as headlines for this piece but ultimately went with the (equally) uninspired one you see above. So what’s your beef, Todd? Well for one, I have a major beef with people who refer to themselves in the third person. That aside, my beef is not with the story of Game of Thrones this season (it’s kicking ass and taking names for the most part), my beef is with the writing and sitcom-like beats that seem to permeate this season so far. My beef is with the mind-boggling lack of tension.
It started with the Dothrakis and their gramma fucking jokes. Now don’t get me wrong, those jokes were funny as can but, to me, they seem so out of character. I’ve always seen the Dothraki as a brutal horde of desert warriors. No nonsense killing machines. Even their sex seemed to be very no nonsense. Just look at the stiff, no pun intended, sex scenes in season one between Drogo and Khaleesi. Dude was in and out with a fury. The nuts he busted were for procreation or clarity, he was there for making babies or just “getting the poison out”. But that could just be my interpretation. Besides, a couple of Dothraki cracking wise isn’t enough to base an opinion on.
Now by the end of the second episode, however, it feels like they are confirming my fears and aiming for chuckles and smirks every 5-8 minutes. Even when they are not making jokes there seems to be an overall lightness in the air this season. The show used to be full of pain and despair. Tragedy lurked around every corner. Death struck unexpected and wanton. At any given moment the viewers could have their hearts ripped out. Now? Not so much. Just look at the return of Jon Snow. I should have been on the edge of my seat and yet, I kind of just sat there squarely on my seat.
The most edge of the seat moment so far has been Tyrion and the dragons but… let’s be honest, someone either screwed up with the lore, they are abandoning the books completely or we just witnessed some really bad storytelling. Only those with dragon blood can touch a dragon without burning to death. Not sure if they made this rule clear in the show but if they haven’t and plan on keeping it, how? Is the Khaleesi going to show up, find out and go “Hey! you’re my cousin!” (Or will they have her call him Coursin Tyrie?) But I digress. This isn’t about books vs show. This is about studio execs overtaking the creative forces and pandering to the lowest common denominator. Game of Thrones is a mega hit and now that they’re planning a 7 and 8th season (albeit shorter seasons than normal) they need to protect their investments. They need to crack wise. There needs to be a joke every few minutes. The air must stay light or the scoundrels in general population will simply stop watching. So quit your crying, Todd. This show is no longer meant for your kind. It’s for the people of Earth and the people of Earth really, REALLY, love watching 2 Broke Girls.
When Ramsay goes to Castle Black to kill Jon Snow and overthrow the watch, he’s going to be in for one hell of a surprise when he finds out the watch already killed him. He’ll be even more surprised to find not only did Jon Snow die but he came back and now he’s got thousands of Wildlings and a fucking giant in his posse… In the Game of Thrones of yore Ramsay wouldn’t have time to process these feels as the aforementioned giant would squash his guts and bones beneath his bare toes quite unceremoniously. Sadly, I can all but bet if that scene actually happened while the producers hold the pens, he would most definitely find time for a “this stinks” or a “looks like I’m about to be in a jam” (GET IT!?!?!? TOE JAM!!!) before meeting his end under the foot of that giant. This won’t happen, of course, those days of left field comeuppance are behind us. The Bastards Snow will battle, face to face, with swords and quips swinging and the people of Earth will rejoice, predictably.
I’m not going to stop watching the show because as I began this piece by saying, the story itself is a ton of fun and I can’t wait to see what wacky adventures our merry bands of heroes and villains have in their futures. I’ve always loved cheese and campy crowd pleasers and I pretty much have been feeding off of sitcoms like a parasite since I hatched from an egg so many moons ago so there’s no way I’m jumping ship with so much fun on the horizon… but I guess that’s my “problem”, I never thought this show was supposed to be “fun”.