Hello Everyone! It is me, Charles! It’s been a while, how have you been? Good? Cool. Me? I’ve been great, I just got back from theater. What movie did I see? Oh you know, nothing too special, just this film called Jurassic World.

Before I get started, I just want to say that the Jurassic Park franchise is a franchise that is very close to my heart, every time I see the original I always get choked up. Now I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I have not mentioned the sequels, well to answer that question, it’s quite simple. The sequels DID. NOT. HAPPEN. There is not a single point in this entire movie that mentions those two pieces of garbage that Hollywood has the audacity to recognize Jurassic World is definitely a breath of fresh air. Now, on to the review itself. And not to worry, no spoilers will be revealed.

Let’s start with the star of the show, Owen Grady (played by Chris Pratt).

Owen is the hero, the protagonist if you will, and I have to say. I enjoyed his character very much. One of the children in this movie called him a “bad ass” and he is, he really is. From his role alone, I would totally pay money to see him in another Jurassic sequel, and I heard that he signed on to do at least two more sequels, but don’t take that as confirmation, at this point, and as far as I’m aware, it is just a rumor.

Now Owen’s character at first is just an animal trainer with a U.S. Navy background focused on Velociraptors, and surprisingly he has a handle on it, after all the stuff I’ve seen with raptors in the previous movies (yes, including the god awful sequels), raptors don’t take orders from anyone. But somehow the raptors follow Owen. You’ll find out more details on that once you see the movie, and you will see the movie, don’t make me get out my hypnotoad, haha.

Next we have Claire Dearing (played by Bryce Dallas Howard).

This woman, ugh, this woman was “interesting”. I don’t know whether to call her the comic relief or the love interest, or both. And let me just say, “both” is not a good thing. During the first thirty minutes of the movie she was the typical corporate rep that is usually way over her head when it comes to things like Dinosaurs running rampant on an island in the middle of the freaking ocean, but as the movie progressed she got a little better but not by much. And on the topic of her being the “comic relief”, obviously she isn’t the comic relief, that belongs to someone else and someone who deserves that title, but this woman did things during the chaos that made absolutely no sense, for starters, wearing high heels in the jungle! How in the hell did she pull that off?!?! I’m not even a woman and I can guess with extreme accuracy that wearing high heels in the jungle is completely impossible, but apparently she pulled it off with flying colors and I applaud her. Now for her being Owen’s love interest, I think that whole story arc was rushed, and even though the two characters did have a romantic history prior to the events of the story, I still think the whole plot was unnecessary, but oh well, we have it anyway, moving on.

Now on to the best part of the movie, the Indominus Rex.

Indominusrex

The Indominus Rex is not a simple dinosaur, it is a flat out monster. Jurassic World is a sequel in the Jurassic franchise, but the movie itself is little more than a typical monster movie. Now is that a bad thing? Eh… not really. I’m a fan of a good monster movie, if (and I definitely mean if) it is done well. And Jurassic World is done well, but not on par with some of the best monster movies in the past twenty years. I said I wouldn’t reveal any spoilers, but I will say this, the Indominus Rex is a highly intelligent hybrid dinosaur. And when I say intelligent, I mean this f**ker is really smart. Like scary smart. If you see her, and she sees you, don’t bother running, you’re already dead. And the scariest part, she doesn’t just kill for food, she kills for sport. Let that sink in for a bit. I won’t reveal anything else about this clever girl. (Heh yeah, I regretted typing that about half way through, I apologize.) So I have one final bit to discuss.

Zach and Gray Mitchell (played by Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins), and these kids are Claire’s nephews.

I understand why these kids were in the movie, but the whole reason for being in the story was only for family issues. Now family issues are fine, if they have a point to the moral of the story. And the whole point of the Jurassic Park movies is… yup you guess it… F#%KING DINOSAURS. I did not care about these kids at all, although there were moments in the film that focused on these kids and they came across a place that was clearly a nod to the original film, and I’ll admit, when the music started playing, I started to get emotional, I kinda felt like a kid again. Now with all that said, I didn’t hate the kids, I just didn’t think they needed to be a part of the story.

Ah, now that that’s out of the way, let’s bring this review to a close. All an all, this move did have a few issues, but I still loved it. Some of you may know that I like to give alphanumeric ratings to the movies, TV shows, and video games that I enjoy, so for Jurassic World, I’ll give a solid 7.0 out of 10. Do you agree with my review, do you disagree? Let us know in the comments below. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time, bye bye!

Jurassic World released June 12th, 2015