Ghostbusters: #DoBlackLivesMatter?

I’ve never been too freaked out by the all female Ghostbusters like the rest of you weirdos. Sure, it takes away some of the nostalgia, and being a bit OCD such a change can be troubling, but ultimately it’s probably for the better because now our brains won’t be equating this new team with the legendary original four as much.

Ghostbuster Bill Murray Dan Aykroyd Harold Ramis Ernie Hudson 30 years anniversary

We can now enjoy this new movie for whatever it is without having to compare the new actors to the originals. Let’s be honest, NO ONE, male or female, could top the original cast. Who on this planet do you know of that can pull off what they did? You’d probably have to go British to get the kind of nuanced, deadpan comedic performances Murray, Aykroyd, Ramis and Hudson gave us, in that order by Hollywood design.
But now that I read the following description on the interwebz, I finally do have something to complain about…

In theaters July 15, Ghostbusters follows a paranormal researcher (Melissa McCarthy), a physicist (Kristen Wiig), a nuclear engineer (Kate McKinnon) and a subway worker (Leslie Jones) who attempt to rid New York of ghosts that can possess humans.

Can someone please tell me exactly why the black lady has to be a subway worker when all the whites are fancy fucks?
If you’re going to switch the dynamic from male to female under the banner of female empowerment… why in fuck’s face would you not switch around the typical Hollywood race dynamic as well? I guess that’s not as important? Seriously, what kind of fucking message are they putting out? Hey little girls, you can be a fancy scientist and a Ghostbuster when you grow up unless you’re not white. We’ll still let you be a Ghostbuster but don’t forget who you are, a servant not a master. Leslie Jones could have done her whole shtick as a mathematician or some other smartly smart type with no problem!! But you make her a subway worker? Fucking shame Paul Feig. Shame, shame, shame. Makes me wonder how many times will you make her point out she’s a black woman in the movie?

I don’t know, I’ll guess at least three. What I do know is I’m suddenly way less interested in a movie I was otherwise looking forward to.

I’m Todd Grundle, this was my opinion and you’ll probably find a way to call me a racist.

Star Trek Actor Anton Yelchin Dead At 27

Hey there folks I really wish I had some good news for you today but sadly I do not. Not too long ago I found out that Anton Yelchin has passed away due to a freak accident. Yelchin was discovered pinned between his car and a brick pillar at around 1:00 AM Sunday morning. Yelchin’s friends grew concerned after he failed to show up for rehearsal.

I will admit, I’ve only ever seen him in the Star Trek movies and maybe one other movie called Fright Night. And Fright Night isn’t the best example of how good of an actor he is. However from his performance in Star Trek alone he had talent that sadly will no longer be able to reach it’s fullest potential. As soon as I’m done here I think I’m going to do a Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness double feature. I might even check out some of his other work as well because I’d like to see the type of work that actor has done aside from the more well known projects he’s done.

This sucks, this really sucks. I considered myself to be a fan of his. This may have been an accident but that doesn’t make this any less tragic. I can’t even begin to imagine what his family is going through. So myself and the rest of the GotR crew give our deepest condolences to the Yelchin family. We are very sorry for your loss.

Anton Yelchin 1989 - 2016

Too many great actors have died recently. Some of the deaths could have been avoided, others not so much. Myself and everyone else here at Geeks of the Round will miss him greatly. I’d like to thank everyone for reading and I’ll see you all at the next article.

 

 

Star Trek: How Far Beyond?

I just got done watching a trailer for Star Trek: Beyond (#2 apparently and I never even saw trailer #1 or I did and I blocked it out) and I must say, I’m a bit tossed. As I watched I thought to myself, how far beyond the initial concept of Star Trek: The Original Series are they going? To me, the Star Trek franchise has always been about exploration of both outer and inner space. New worlds, strange new species and constantly unfolding character drama on the Enterprise. The first reboot/pseudo-sequel from J.J. Abrams was not too far from the source. While it did focus a bit on the over-the-top action it didn’t seem to rely on it. To me it seemed like a loving big screen adaptation of the franchise. Flashy, yes, but focused. If it wasn’t for the overuse of lens flare, I’d have to say they did better than we could have expected.

Star Trek Into Darkness manged to be a more authentic feeling installment and yet something was lost. The tone was right, the pacing was slow and deliberate but the action felt inserted. Not jarring but somehow off-putting. Despite that, to me it is a better representation of what the brand has always been about. By the end of the second movie I was confident in the direction they were heading. They went through a phase of trial and error and now they know what to do to make the third film one for the books. And then I saw this trailer…

I know a lot of you are gong to say, that trailer was AWESOME!!! Yes, it was awesome. I can’t wait to see it. It looks like a roller coaster of action and adventure. An explosive good time. I watch The Expendables movies, damnit! I enjoy mindless entertainment like the rest of the world. I love when things go boom too…. but this is Star Trek, man. This is the thinking man’s sci-fi. Murica’s attempt at a Doctor Who type show. The kind of show you sit down and WATCH. Hard sci-fi. This is not Star Wars. This is not a franchise that gets directed by the Fast and Furious guy. Look, Donkeys, I saw the first 3 FF movies in the theater like the rest of you greasy, coked-up weirdos. As I said, I like when things are shiny and go Vrrooom and Boom. I mean, you’re not going to catch me watching the sportsball shows or NASCAR (It’s cars driving in circles, you bastards!!!!) but I can enjoy loud movies… when that’s what I am looking for. That is NOT what I am looking for with Star Trek.

In my research for this rant I have discovered that Simon Pegg (the film’s writer and MFing Scotty!) has spoken against the trailer and asked fans to “hang in there” like that kitty on the branch. He claims there is so much more to the film Beyond its terrible trailer. As much as I like him, I don’t know if I can trust him because he was the guy the studio hired to rewrite the script because it was too Star Trekky. The official goal was to “make a western or a thriller or a heist movie, then populate that with Star Trek characters so it’s more inclusive to an audience that might be a little bit reticent.”

I don’t know… How far Beyond the heart of Star Trek are they going to go and how far beyond my own limits will my acceptance of these new cinematic additions go? I guess we’ll find out July 22, 2016.

Kevin Smith’s Yoga Hosers: Trailer Review

Rejoice! Rejoice! The Yoga Hosers trailer is finally here! Why am I so excited? Because now I can stop searching Google every few weeks for a movie about teenage yoga enthusiasts. This is like that time I lost my Girl Scout Cookie connection. It was a cold and dark night when I learned the woman I’d been buying my cookies from for years had moved away. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Those delightful little treats grace my cabinets but once a year and that time was just around the corner. I was in a frenzy. No tagalongs to devour the first night? No samoas for after I’ve binged on the tagalongs? No thin mints to avoid for months until the one night when I’m real… sleepy and have the munchies?

I had to act. So, I got on my computer and started making a map of all the places near me where the Girl Scouts hung out and sold their wares. Now you must understand, “near me” was a relative term back then because where I lived at the time was pretty darn close to the middle of nowhere. Hence my need to map it out. I must have researched a dozen locations and narrowed it down to a church about an hour away and a video store that was just a little further but in a town that would have made it extra worth the trip. And then it dawned on me. I was mapping out locations where little girls hang out. Upon that awakening I promptly erased my browser history, confessed my sins to Jesus (who just so happened to be at my house for “tea” at the time) and gave up my hunt for those yummy yum yums. I also became uncomfortably aware of my poor choices of words when talking about those cookies. Sadly to this day, I have not found another hookup and accourding to my research for this article… THEY DON’T MAKE SAMOAS ANYMORE!! 🙁

Knowing that story, I think you can understand my dilemma since the last ComicCon in 2015 when Smith showed a trailer for Yoga Hosers. I was sure footage would leak with all the other gold in that mountain but the mania came and went and nothing. For weeks I searched every few days. For months I searched every few weeks. And then it dawned on me. This was the Girl Scout Cookie incident all over again. Now almost a full year later it’s finally here and that time I spent waiting has yielded many questions. Mainly, why in F!@#’s Face is Kevin Smith making a movie starring both his daughter and Johnny Depp’s daughter as Yoga enthusiasts? I mean, we all know what Yoga is… FREE PORN! Why is Johnny Depp OK with this? And, seriously, why am I so damned excited? Three reasons for the easy answer to why I’m so excited: 1) Tusk. 2) Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe. 3) It’s Girl Clerks starring Depp and Smith’s kids.

We’ll talk more about those reasons in our review but before we do, check out the official Yoga Hosers trailer for yourself below!

So now we’ve all seen it. The big wait is over. And….. I like it. Maybe it’s the Sundance critic remarks sticking in my head but it really does feel like a Clerks / Amblin Creature Feature crossbreed. It’s not quite the Tusk vibe I was hoping for, more like a restrained Troma film from the look of this trailer, but it seems like a fun ride none-the-less.

I do have a few problems, why wouldn’t I? First, is that seemingly missing Tusk vibe. If you’ve seen that movie or even heard about it you probably know it’s the film that truly reignited Kevin Smith’s passion for filmmaking and for good reason. The man was about to make a hockey dramedy and call it quits forever and then he made Red State and reconsidered his decision. Some time after that, during one of his stoned podcasts in front of a live studio audience, an ad about a man seeking a housemate who would dress up like a walrus was read and the rest is history. While Tusk’s merits are debatable, I personally thought it was a soaring success. Horribly silly ending aside, the dialogue porn and scene slaying performances from Justin Long and Michael Parks keep bringing me back for repeat views and let me tell you, that’s a rare feat these days. Unfortunately, the over-the-top nature of this trailer has me fear more of the former than the latter for Smith’s newest outing.

Another slight worry I have is that Johnny Depp doesn’t seem over-the-top enough with his return as the eccentric manhunter, Guy Lapointe. One of the things critics panned the most about Tusk is one of the things I loved the most, Depp’s Lapointe. They all felt he was unrestrained and erratic in an otherwise evenly toned film. I thought that contrast is what made the surreal situation Justin Long’s character found himself in justified. Insane things happening within an otherwise sane world. In this trailer and from what I’ve read in the early reviews, they completely switched that dynamic. While still eccentric in his nature, Depp’s Lapointe is sort of the straight man in a world of absurdity. This could work and the more I think about it the more I like it but still it’s a question that will for now remain unanswered.

That absurdity brings us to some of the cool parts of the trailer. While maybe some were confused with Smith’s previous effort and weren’t sure if it was to be taken seriously or not, we can see clearly from the start that this movie doesn’t take itself seriously any more than it should and I think we, the viewers, will benefit a lot from that. Smith seems to have evolved as a writer and directer and up until Tusk he was unsure what that meant. He’s always been at his best in the wild and wacky worlds of his original Jersey Trilogy and if you look at those first three films you’ll find the key to his eventual change over twenty years later.

With Clerks and Mallrats he was expressing a feeling while having fun. Painting a portrait of a generation with only slightly exaggerated, cartoonish, elements.  Amidst the caricaturist displays there was an anchor in the all too real world. Beyond the shits and fucks and dick jokes you could hear the voice of 90’s youth screaming at you through the undertone. Then came Chasing Amy. It was like that voice broke out of its bonds, lost its reliance on the cartoonish elements that made Smith comfortable enough to let that voice out in the first place and screamed as loud as it could. Maybe it’s just me, I grew up not far from the places and people that populated those movies, but if you asked me what it was like being a teenager in the mid to late 90’s I’d only have Smith’s Jersey Trilogy and Linklater’s SubUrbia to point you to without scarring you deeply.

Then fame and fortune had its way with our underdog hero as Smith spent the greater part of his career making movies for the fans and for the dollars and not so much for himself. After putting his heart into Jersey Girl and having the world grow cold in an instant you can’t blame him for taking the path he did. Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back were a hell of a lot of fun. Same with Clerks 2 and somewhat for Zak and Miri Make a Porno. Not so much with Cop Out. That last one was the nail in the coffin for Smith. He even went as far as calling the experience soul-crushing. This is pretty much where he announced his retirement. And while Red State is the movie that brought him back from the brink it didn’t quite hit the mark he hoped for. Switching genres and focusing on the acting was enough to bring him out of his comfort zone and enable him to deliver his most unique project to that date but it wasn’t truly satisfying for him. Something was missing. Tusk seemed a perfect marriage of his original films and what he tried to do with Red State and from this trailer, Yoga Hosers looks like the next logical step of evolution for Kevin Smith 2.0.

The only question left, is it the right step? Will he be able to satisfy both himself and his fans now that we’ve had a taste of the silly and serious with Tusk? Will the John Hughes film heart the Colleens promise to bring be enough to make me accept the Bratzi in the same way I accepted the walrus? Or is this going to be a sad, live action (and hopefully tamer) version of Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie? We’ll find out July 29th when the movie is released in theaters, earlier for the select few who will venture out for Smith’s seven stop live tour.

Let us know what you thought about the trailer in the comments and check back here when the movie comes out because you can be sure I’ll be watching and reviewing.

 

Keaton’s Batman, Heath Ledger’s Joker & Batfleck: A ‘DC’ Trifecta of ‘Told Ya So’.

A fancy title designed to entice you into reading an article you really don’t need to read at all. Let’s be honest, it’s all there in those 12 words. Keaton, Ledger and Affleck; three of the most panned pre-release casting choices in comic book history that ended up knocking the early critics on their asses and feeding them giant slices of humble pie. Three rare cases where the studio actually gets to tell the fans… Told ya so!

Michael Keaton – The internet might not have exploded back in 1988 but a couple of mailboxes surely did with some strongly worded hate mail from perplexed fans. Mr. Mom is going to be Batman?? A comedian as Batman!?!? Other such babbling nonsense that made no sense. I mean, come on, Adam West was the Batman the world knew before Keaton. I just don’t get it but complain they did and when the movie came out, tunes changed. Was it Tim Burton‘s vision, Keaton’s acting or both? That’s debatable but what’s not debatable….

Heath Ledger‘s performance in The Dark Knight Rises was no doubt the reason his internet naysayers were crushed in defeat. It was a brutal victory. Nobody wanted him as the Joker. Fans worldwide cried out a list of 10 Things They Hate About Heath Ledger. You’d have thought they’d cast Joey Fatone in the role of the Joker. The public saw him as no more than another youth-marketed heartthrob and then he came, he acted, he conquered and he died. He did so well in his role as the Joker there’s no doubt in my mind he’d still be riding that high right now as one of the biggest stars in the world had he not picked up that last bottle of pills from Michelle Tanner. “You shouldn’t have got it dude.”

And now we come to the point of this whole veiled news story article; Batfleck. Once again the community was up in arms when it was announced that Ben Affleck was donning the pointy ears and cowl after the overrated Christian Bale era. I for one thought he’d be great from the moment I heard and I welcomed any change at that point because a Bale fan I am not. Can’t put my finger on what I didn’t like about him, probably because I’d need like twenty hands to do so, but I do know the only film in Christopher Nolan‘s trilogy I gave a repeat watch was Rises and the other two have faded in my mind much like 1997’s Batman & Robin.

While Dawn of Justice may have been a commercial meh and a bit of a snoozer, fans, critics and, now more than before, the studios are all getting on the Batfleck train. First he signs on for a however many picture deal and it’s rumored he’ll direct the next solo Bat film, then it’s announced/rumored(?) that he will play a bigger part than expected in Suicide Squad (could it be by way of lots of mentions or will he actually get a bunch of screen time remains to be seen), then they officially announce him as the writer and directer of the next Batman movie and now they bring him to the Executive Producers table for Justice League. Clearly they are positioning him to become a major player behind the scenes of the DCCU (is that what they call it?). (Editor’s note: yes)

We, the fans, don’t make it easy for the suits to take our dollars. Hats off to them for making us eat our words once in a while. It’s a small consolation for all the money-grab fails we’ve endured for our chosen interests over the years.

 

And This Just Happened on the Internet… Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles!!

“Many years ago, below the city, there were four regular turtles but then a horny dude who worked at the nuclear power plant… his radioactive sperm fell into the sewer and onto the turtles. Over time the turtles grew, especially in the lower shell area.” That is a mostly verbatim recounting of the voiceover that begins what may be the most hilarious parody trailer I’ve ever seen. Did I say parody? No I did not because I’m typing but I did write it. What I meant to write was… XXX Porn Parody!!

Yup, Rule 34 in full effect. This thing exists and I have to tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m watching it. Not because I’m some sick and demented pervert, that’s besides the point. I’m pretty sure I’ll watch it because, again, Holy Hilarious, Fapman!! I’m not a laughing kind of guy. I prefer staring blankly, but I assure you if I were I’d have been hooting and hollering like my prized pig just took the ribbon at the county fair.

Before I go any further I will tell you, there’s gonna be a trailer posted at the end of this and you can bet your sweet greased bottoms that you can watch it with your grandmother… provided your grandmother smokes a lot of pot and is fun to hang with. No nudity, nary a hard nipple and thankfully none of the title-promised 10 inch turtle wangs. Pretty sure there’s not even that much offensive language or overtly sexual references.

What it did have was some pretty damned decent production values (scary proper looking turtles), a theme song (Heroes with a cock swell.. Turtle Penis!) that will tickle the juvenile child in you, though I warn I will be alerting the authorities about your creepy little tickle session, wonderfully lowbrow spoof names (Master Sphincter, Spreader, Dongatello!!), unique weaponry (like Raphallus wielding twin dildo sai)  & even your mandatory, Trump jokes.

I am no porn expert, leave that to our own {Name Redacted}, but I’ve seen a small portion of the extra special porn parody trailers and this, if I go through with it, will be the first time in my life I sit through a pornographic film. Mostly because the ENTIRE MOVIE IS STREAMING FOR FREE on their website (I’m not linking that here, you perverts). I dare you to watch the trailer and tell me you don’t at least want to try. I highly doubt I’ll get through it and more than sure I’ll end up sexually scarred but like the Little Engine That Could I’m gonna ride those motherfucking rails for as long as I can stands it. Till I can’t stands no more.

Check out the basically safe trailer below and see for yourself, even check out the near-unanimously positive Youtube comments for an added shock. This looks like it might be worth a fan edit to basic cable smut status for those who really don’t want their #ChildhoodRuined by a 10 inch Turtle Penis. Ehrmehrgherd… I just had a thought… are the turtle penises green? Fuck me running, I’m doing this, aren’t I?